Small tips to conquer the doldrums; a buyer’s guide to intention

My niece and me. Love that kid

I don’t like daylight savings.  I understand the concept and need for farmers to gain the extra morning daylight hours, in the early 1900’s.  Now, it seems like another obstacle to wreck my sleep.  Typically, regardless of direction we move the clock, DST costs me three days.  That’s six days a year that I struggle physically to cope with time.  With new technology in farming, it seems a waste.  After taking a small poll today, No one I know is happy with the change. 

Another thing, affecting my mood is the weather.  Today is a blistery, cold Cleveland day with snow showers and gray skies.  While February greeted us with abnormally warm temperatures, March is already start to show its anger.  Consistent sun is a desert-like mirage.  I have faint memories but nothing real enough for tangibility. 

Today, I don’t feel motivation to feel, look, or act better.  There are days when I cruise.  The later hours arrive unbeknownst to me.  Those days are magical.  Today, tying my shoes without provocation, seems to be an impossible concept.  I find it easy to feel sorry for myself.  Who would blame me?  I miss my daughter in Chicago.  I long for the day when I awake from this nightmare and hug Jacob.  The weather isn’t helping and I need vitamin D.  I’ve lost more friends to cancer the past three years, that sometimes I feel like I am the curse.  On top of all of this, I’ve joined a 12-step group to gain control of addictive eating.  I don’t even have food to comfort me.

What can I do to change physiology that will have an effect on my daily mental health?  This is somewhat rhetorical.  Action.  First of all, I am eating better.  This will pay dividends. The key is consistency.  The next big thing is sleep.  I cannot fight the urges now.  Daylight Savings issues are real for me, and powering through never helps.  Tonight, I promise myself to abide by a 10PM bedtime. 

The next big thing is to slow down and breathe.  Part of the process of my program is meditation.  The prospect of taking meaningful time for myself, is difficult.  I used to love deafening quiet.  I fill that time, now, with my phone.  If I can find 15 minutes every day for meaningful reflection, I will be happier.  Happiness is goal. 

The last thing that NEEDS my attention is movement.  I stepped on the scale a few weeks ago.  The number staring at me was 396.4.  That’s a number that is harder to swallow than my fifth helping of pumpkin pie.  I crossed a barrier about six years ago, when I went from a fat guy without too much movement restriction to practically paralyzed in choice. 

Movement comes at a price.  Every step I take is painful.  I have severe arthritis in my knees.  The only reprieve is a needed knee replacement.  I need to be at 300 pounds, which I hope to be in June.  I also have arthritis in my big toe.  Crossing that barrier has its permanent side effects.  This is NOT to say I cannot move.  I can.  I will.  I’m setting a goal to walk 5-10 minutes daily, until I can increase that.  I also need core training.  Movement just needs to be intentional. 

The final thing that will allow me to change my attitude and mood is art.  My art is theatre.  We pushed back our play, and that had more of an effect on me than I originally thought.  Just because we made a timing change, doesn’t mean I must not read.  I will make my art, my therapy. 

It’s time to declutter my brain and surroundings and add intention.

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