As Told by Brandt

Golf is a funny game.  It’s one of the few sports (let the debate start now) with no human defense.  The ball isn’t moving when you hit.  In theory it’s a simple game.  The purpose of golf it to hit the ball from the tee into the hole with as few hits (strokes) as possible.  To make this seemingly easy game harder, the courses add sand, water, trees, long grass, length, and more to the course.  Golf is the ultimate test of perspective.  The negative thinking mind will focus on the “trouble” surrounding on the green.  The careless mind will only see the green while dismissing the danger ahead.  The practical, plodding mind recognizes the trouble while focusing on where to hit the ball. 

I grew up with fear.  It was taught.  My mother has always paranoid with hard boiled egg choking hazards, deer on the roads, danger around every corner, etc.  My father came home every night in fear of losing his job.  It seems generational.  The “red scare” was real.  I even remember watching sitcoms with episodes using “bunkers” to save them from the Russians.  Fear sells.  Fear helps sell security systems, guns, insurance, medicine, drugs, food, and more.  So, back to my golf game.  In my younger years, hubris was the enemy of my senses.  As I got older, I became too cautious.  I was too scared and hit away from ANY hint of danger.  I haven’t made the transition to seeing trouble but sticking to my game plan. 

I live in fear.  I always have.  My fear manifests in a series of self-destructive ways that have only been compounded with grief.  This isn’t a blog geared to pointing out the obvious.  The results of my lifestyle are readily visible.  I have struggled with excess in every way possible.  Entitlement has walked me down the path of gluttony.  Manipulation is my tool, and the detriment is mine to bear.  The thought that I am only affecting me is delusional.  I know what I am doing.

It all starts and ends with a lack of planning.  It’s amazing that when one thing breaks down, the entire machine is broken.  Planning my day must become my number one priority.  It’s that simple.  I made a list of goals in January.  It was a blueprint for success.  Have I lost weight?  Yes.  Have I exercised more?  Yes.  Have I shown the results necessary to become healthy?  No.

I will take an honest litmus test and post the blog tomorrow.  I will look at the things I’ve done right, where I’ve failed, and why.  The post will come out Friday.  I am not doing it for anyone but myself.  This needs to be personal and in depth.  As I look at the golf hole, I don’t see an inviting green.  I see the trouble.  This paradigm needs to change.