There are many misconceptions people make about BIG people. Why don’t they just eat less? Why do they go to and order a burger, fries, and a diet coke? Why don’t they exercise? Why is she wearing ? That’s just embarrassing. To this story, BIG people refer to people who are overweight. My weight gain started in my twenties and accelerated in my 30’ and 40’s. Also, please understand that much of this also pertain to people who have eating disorders like bulimia or anorexia. I don’t have knowledge of these disorders but there are similarities.

To answer the litany of questions. I would like to eat less. I order with diet soda because, at one time, I was on a “diet,” and switching from sugar soda to diet was a natural move. Once I had the equally addicting diet soda, I couldn’t turn back. I used to exercise. As I got bigger, it was embarrassing to go to a gym. I would quit as quickly as I would start. I don’t know how to answer to people who shame larger women for wearing clothing “designed” to flatter smaller women. I am guilty of judgement, too, and I’m ashamed. The biggest element of my journey is unwavering self-examination.

We BIG people come in different varieties. We are family pack of chips at Costco. Many BIG people just don’t know anything about nutrition and have been devoured by marketing and flashy toys delivered by fast food chains. There are those, too, who are unconscious eaters. They binge eat while watching the tele, without any conscious idea of quantity or nutrition. Then there are the fad dieters; Atkins, Mediterranean, paleo, weight loss centers, shakes, pyramid schemes, and many, many more. Some of us are “mood eaters.” We eat when we are sad, angry, lonely, depressed, anxious, etc. I am a detrimental combination of all of these “diets,” and more.

Eating to live is a new concept to me. Nourishment for my health and well-being has never been paramount to me. It’s always been about weight-loss. For the past four days, I’ve used the app, “Lose it.” I use the free version. Water has taken the place of soda. Fast-food is nearly out of my life. Twice, as a lack of food prep, I’ve eaten Egg McMuffins. Last night, I had Chinese food. My calorie intake is averaging 1,700/day with a healthy balance of fat, protein, sugars, and vitamin enriched food. I’ve felt the difference. I’ve felt the ill feelings after eating the “bad” foods. It’s been four days.

My sobriety from drugs and alcohol is somewhat easy, today, for me. I don’t constantly think about using. When I have tough moments, there is a list of options available to me. I can call my sponsor or go to a meeting. I can HALT and pray. I am not there, yet, with food. Four days seems scary. Four days is daunting. For a long time, I’ve let people new to sobriety know, their sobriety time is a miracle. Four hours. Four days. Four months. It’s a miracle. I don’t take this time lightly. This period is cherished and it’s giving me the chance for five days!

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