the weight of weight

Jacob’s friend Frank and me 2018

Before we delve too deeply into things, let’s start off with a baseline.  My current weight is 396 lbs.  Bloodwork is relatively good.  Fasting glucose levels are only on the higher end of normal.  BP 120/77 with a resting heartrate of 77.  There isn’t anything remarkable with my vitals.  The biggest issue is with my knees.  I am in bad need of a double knee replacement.  These are the facts. 

I feel like a boat that continues to take on water, unable to move forward.  When I awake in the morning, my first thought is of Jacob.  That thought immediately morphs into logistics. How will I move my body in the fewest steps?  Do I REALLY need a shower? Yes.  Do I have everything I need before heading downstairs?  If not, how badly will I need my forgotten item?  Work presents another problem.  Will I get one of the few “good” spaces or will I have to walk another 90 meters?  Can I stay in my office all day or will I have to get up and get something?

Social events are the worst.  Tonight, I have tickets to see Bob Dylan and I am already dreading parking, walking and my wife’s justified frustration as I overtly stress out over logistics.  Logistics were never a thing for me.  I’d always find a train, bus, bike, car or simply me feet.  I never cared where I parked.  It now haunts me.  I’m already thinking about the Browns game in November and getting around Chicago.  Every step I take hurts as the weight squeezes on my weak, dilapidated knees.  I believe the Roman Colosseum has a more promising future. 

Some people really like the weight of a heavy blanket as it comforts the body and soul.  I like to be unfettered.  The weight of my weight is suffocating.  It effects my breathing and sleep.  Foundations for life, indeed.  I recently reunited with friends and saw the pictures we took. Delusions of blending in weren’t realized.  The crux was evident.  The 800 lb. gorilla was staring at me with saddened eyes.

In order to fix the problem, we need to see the problem.  I encourage anyone who has a friend or family member battling with weight to suggest this blog.  We are going to figure this “thing” out together.

Saturday’s Blog- The effects on those around me from my view.

3 responses to “the weight of weight”

  1. brucetheafterblog Avatar

    Your writing is heartfelt and your candor is compelling. Keep writing, my friend.


  2. Steve Manderfield Avatar
    Steve Manderfield

    Wishing you the best on this journey.


  3. I understand the experience of being over weight…it impacts one on many levels…I look forward to reading your blog. Your honesty is compelling and I love how real you are…


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